Massive spider on the landing ceiling. The type that actually has biceps, gold teeth and tattoos. I think it just winked at me with 4 of its eyes It’s so big that I can’t get a pint glass over it to throw it out, so I’m not gonna.

Jus gave me that “you’re not going to throw it out? If you loved me you’d get rid of it for me, but clearly you don’t value our relationship!” look.

Nope. Still not touching it.

She’s just headed upstairs with the Dyson whilst telling her friend on the phone what a useless man I am….

I’m not emptying the Dyson.