Another eccentric on the train. This time it’s a guy with OCD (or, as they like to call it, CDO because it’s in the correct alphabetical order)  

He sat down, looking a little like Elton John complete with ear studs, a scarf tucked under his shirt, a tweed pinstripe jacket and a glass of wine. I could be wrong though; it could be a glass of his own piss.  

After settling into his seat (right opposite me!), he got out his iPad.  

So far, so normal.

He then got out a packet of wet wipes which he used to meticulously clean the surface area of his iPad until it was fingerprint free. Then he pulled out a packet of tissues (with balm) and dried off the excess wet wipe wetness.  

Whilst he was lovingly and delicately massaging his tablet I couldnt help but wonder just how he got this piece of kit, that he clearly adores, so dirty and smudgy.  

Actually,  that’s a lie. I had a pretty good idea how.  

Yuck.  

Anyway, this cleaning and preening process happened twice more.  

Once he was done he then clipped his tablet into a keyboard so it now resembled a laptop. This begs the question; why not just get a bloody laptop? They cost about the same and the iPad can’t do half the things a laptop can do, so why try and use it like one?  

I’m very aware that iPad users will want to argue this, but let’s face facts; they’re wrong.  

It’s like having carrot sticks instead of chips in an attempt to be healthier, and then deep frying them anyway.  

He’s still touching the screen and not even using the keyboard. And to make things even more ludicrous, he keeps stopping to wipe and dry.  

I think he’s taking the piss…or certainly drinking it.