I’m sitting on the train watching Californication (which is awesome by the way), desperately trying to drown out the two cocks sat next to me talking bollocks.

Suddenly two young, attractive women enter the carriage and take the last two seats; one of which is directly opposite me.

Result.

Or so I thought.

They’re pissed as fuck and the one opposite me is chewing her gum so loudly it sounds like a long lipped bloodhound having a drink.

And every sentence has the word “like” in it at least, like, three times.

They’re talking about auditioning for acting roles and the importance of “losing oneself in, like, a really, like,  really juicy role that you can, like, lose yourself in”

I’m tempted to tell them that sucking the producer’s cock can really help.

Mind you, she IS chewing a lot of gum.