So Nick and I take our seat at our table on the train and wonder who’ll be sat next to us. Then 2 young attractive ladies join us. We exchange a look that says “result!”.

Then they open their mouths.

It’s all ‘yah yah..” and “absolutely daaaahling”. And it’s non stop. Theres not a microsecond gap of silence at all! And they keep saying “L&D” and “strategy”.

Nick and I exchange a look that says “oh for fuck’s sake, really?”

We have this for 3 hours. I swear I just saw Nick kiss his knuckles.

Add to this the gravelly voiced toddler behind us who clearly smokes 40 a day and our disappointment is complete.

Oh, hang on…a screaming baby.

Where’s the beer carriage?