I know everything about the Canadian woman who’s sat two tables behind me. In fact, everyone on the train does…in every carriage, including the driver.

My god she talks loud, and lots, and punctuates every sentence with “I was like….” and “oh my god…” and “he was like…” and “I know, right?” and “she was like…”

The guy she’s talking to is English and really quiet. At least, I think he’s quiet; he might be normal volume…who knows against this vocal avalanche of cliches!

Also, I don’t think she’s breathing between sentences so its likely she’ll be stopping soon.

I bet she doesn’t fart. She doesn’t close her mouth long enough to build up any pressure.

I know, right?