For someone like me, having a decent 3G signal is important as I like to write Facebook statuses (or is it Stati?) and/or blog entries whilst travelling on our nation’s joke…er, i mean trains.

So why is it so hit and miss??

It pisses me off that getting a half decent signal in London is as challenging as a job application form to a Jeremy Kyle contestant.

What exacerbates it further is the fact that I’m showing 3G with FULL signal and yet I’m still greeted with that little circling icon and the word ‘Loading’ next to it.

It’s lying to me. I know it’s lying to me.

“You’re not loading, you little turd” I think to myself, “and i’m going to prove it!”
So I go into my iPhone settings, switch Airplane Mode on, wait 10 seconds, switch it off again and like magic….full signal and 3G again. Only this time it actually works.

“Awesome” I say to myself (quietly of course, as I’m on the train and I don’t want to be ‘that guy’ who talks to himself and subsequently becomes the focus of someone’s Facebook status or blog).

So I write my musings, read them back, chuckle a bit, corect aany spleling miistekes, take out the comment about someone’s mum, proof read it again, reconsider the mum comment and slide it back in (well, it’s how she likes it), chek teh speling agian, and then post it.

Oh….nope…..no 3G. That’s because I pressed send at the PRECISE moment we entered a tunnel (insert mum comment here if you like). It’s just bloody typical that I get no signal at the point I need it!

Ah, we’re out of the tunnel now. Any minute I’ll get my 3G back. I mean, we’re not in the middle of Cambodia here; this is just outside London….

…..any minute now…..

…..any minute……

Aha! Signal!

Another tunnel.

Fuck.

Ok, I can wait. I can play Trainyard or look on faceboo….ah, no I can’t.

Ok, we’re out of the tunnel again.

….any minute…..

…..aaaaaaaany minute now……

Aha! Signal!

“Tickets please”

What? Now? Sigh, hang on! (Puts phone on the table and fumbles in his bag, then pockets, then bag again; finds ticket and shows it to the ‘cheery’ chap armed with his ticket bitey clip thingy)

“Thank you”
“Fuck you”
“Pardon sir?”
“Nothing….”

He walks away…

Ok, now lets post this bastard. (Presses ‘post’)

Circling icon…(deep breath)

Back into Airplane Mode.

Aaaaaaaaaand……..done!

I hope you’ve appreciated the shit I’ve been through for you to read this!