The guy opposite me on the train has got the biggest face in the world. It’s proper huge, like Lurch from the Addams family, or Frankenstein’s monster!
If he headbutted me I’d have bruises from my head to my knees. It would be like running into a statue on Easter Island.

I also think his glasses are two plasma screens connected with scaffolding poles. Yep, I think I can make out the words Samsung and Sony on them.

At first I thought he had regular headphones in, but they’re full size speakers wedged into a lorry’s tyre inner tubes.

His neck must be knackered.