Today we visited Disney World in Orlando. It was an expected series of events including a lot of ‘cast members’ with coat hanger smiles, planetoid sized people with huge buckets of full fat Coke and loads of able bodied lazy fuckers on rented mobility scooters; hacking their way through the crowds like the bulls in Pamplona.

But the best part of the day by far was when we were due to get off the car park transfer at Hollywood Studios. We started to slow down and the cheesy American voice announced that we were to disembark on the right.

No problem.

She then re-confirmed it was on the right.

Ok, fair enough.

Then she re-re-confirmed it was on the right.

Really? I suppose this is for the American market.

She then said “that’s the same side as the sidewalk and the trash cans”

I think my I.Q. just dropped a few points.