The guard on the train just made the usual announcement as we approached a station.

She then stood there for a second, turned to the nearest passenger and asked him; “Did I just say Horsham or Haywards Heath?”  

The guy looked at her with a mortified blank expression and replied with an astute and calculated, “wha, what?”.

“Did I just say Horsham or Haywards Heath?”, she repeated.

He was clearly shitting himself now as other passengers had started to look up from their reading material and were watching; fully aware he didn’t have a clue.

And then, in a heartbeat, she grinned at him and said “You werent even listening were you?”  

Ha ha, awkward.  

She then shrugged, uttered something like “meh” and strolled up the carriage, leaving him to sob gently inside.

Brilliant.