This morning I saw a packet of popcorn that claimed to be hand popped.

(accidentally deleted an image here – click to read what happened!)

How exactly does one ‘hand pop’ corn?

You would need some seriously hot hands.

This got me thinking about those shops advertising their sandwiches as ‘hand cut’. I assume this is to make them seem more appealing by conjuring the belief that love, attention and care has been taken over your particular sandwich by someone who really loves making sandwiches.

No-one loves making sandwiches.

To me this conjures images of someone manhandling and fondling my sandwich. I don’t want deep finger dents in my bread, thank you.

Also, doesn’t ‘hand cut’ imply the sandwiches are being cut using their hand and not a knife? That would just make a mess.

This madness needs to stop.

It’s assumed that sandwiches aren’t cut by a machine, and we’ve come to terms with popcorn being popped in some big heated metal contraption of some kind; you don’t need to tell us otherwise.

Oh and it’s not ‘real home cooked food’ if you’re not at home.

Just saying.