Today I did the imaginable and wore a tie to work.
Oh the scandal!
It seems that wearing a tie results in the following tediously repetitive remarks…
- “Are you feeling ok?”
- “I bet you’ve got an interview today”.
- “Oh you look nice/smart today”.
Allow me to comment on each of these in turn…
“Yes I’m feeling ok”.
If I’m wearing a plaster cast on one or more of my limbs, or a pink ballerina dress complete with snorkel and top hat whilst dribbling the Benny Hill theme then yes, please ask if I’m feeling ok. Otherwise S.T.F.U.
Wearing a tie with my usual trouser/shirt combo at our office in central London isn’t actually a cause for concern. This plastic sheeting you’re standing on however…is.
“No, I haven’t got an interview today”.
Do you honestly think I would wear my tie into work if I DID have an interview? Surely I would get changed before I came back into the office? Honestly, how stupid do you think I am, despite the fact I’m rapidly losing brain cells talking to you?
I also don’t wear Speedos into the office if I’m swimming that day or a rubber gimp costume if I’m visiting your mum.
“Oh, thanks for saying I look nice/smart today”.
It’s always lovely to know that I usually don’t.
So do I take off the tie? Or do I sit here fantasising about choking the living shit out of everyone who asks?
(Adjusts tie and smiles)
Head In A Blender 