The guy opposite me on the train keeps oinking like a pig.

I’m serious.

I don’t mean a comedy cartoonish oink or a squeal, but that sound resembling a snort. Yes, that’s it, he’s snorting; three quick little snorts in a row every 10 or 15 seconds.

What the famyarding fuck?

He’s in his mid fifties with glasses perched on the end of his nose, reading some manuscript whilst wearing headphones.  I don’t think he realises he’s doing it.

Thank god the next stop is mine. I don’t want to sty here any longer.