This morning, as my wife and I squeezed onto the London Underground train, we got separated into different parts of the carriage. My wife ended up halfway down the carriage whereas I ended up near the door literally face to face with a tall blonde girl.
She wasn’t un-pretty (I’m assuming; she was hidden behind some heavily applied make-up) and was stood there not making eye contact with anyone as she pouted and posed among the newspapers and armpits.
In my single days I may have given her a second look, but since meeting my wife every one else comes a distant second. Although cheesy, this is absolutely true and has nothing to do with the fact my wife was:
a) five feet away and
b) reads my blog.
Anyway (moving on swiftly), the train began to pull out of the station and a gentle breeze came through the open window in the door between the carriages. The girl took this opportunity to turn her head to face the window so the wind rushed through her hair as she continued to pose and pout.
It was like watching a Michael Jackson video.
She was loving it.
However, as the train picked up speed, the breeze became everything but gentle. After a few seconds it had reached Hurricane proportions and her pouting was quickly replaced with her squinting eyes and flapping lips like a dog with its head out of a car window at 70 miles per hour.
More amusingly was her hair violently whipping and slapping her in the face, sticking to her make-up and going in her mouth.
“Hwaarrgh!” *Cough cough* “Gaaaak!”
After a couple of minutes the train slowed down for the next station and she finally managed to compose herself, pulling fistfuls of hair from her throat and gagging. As she did this she looked at me and smiled with embarrassment.
“That didn’t go as you expected it to eh?” I said, looking at the make-up that had now slid back to her ears.
“Not really” she wheezed, “I was actually worried for anyone behind me getting hit with my hair!”
“It’s ok” I said, “I think the guy behind you enjoyed it”.
She laughed awkwardly.
“Shame it wasn’t in slow motion.” I continued.
“Like a shampoo advert”, she laughed.
It was more like a ferret being hit in the face with a tumbleweed.