My wife is ill.
Living in America I should really say ‘my wife is sick’, but I can’t use that sentence without wanting to add ‘and twisted’ on the end.
So….my wife is ill.
Very ill actually.
She has spent most of the day – and last night – coughing, sneezing, throwing up and sporting a high temperature. What’s even worse is the fact I had to cancel our 6:20pm showing of Star Wars: The Force Awakens.
It’s such an emotional time.
Unfortunately I couldn’t cancel the tickets online with the same ease I booked them, so I had to put on outside clothing and drive to the cinema.
Sorry, ‘Movie Theatre’.
Sorry, ‘Movie Theater‘
After a 35 minute drive I arrived at the cinema and headed into the noisy, bustling foyer. I navigated the slow, shuffling popcorn munching morons and made a beeline for the box office desk.
The young girl behind the (bulletproof?) glass called me over and I pushed my pre-printed ticket under the glass towards her.
“I need to cancel these tickets; my wife is sick (and twisted) and so we can’t make the 6:30 showing”.
She smiled, took my tickets and proceeded to scan stuff and type things on her tiny little keyboard.
After a few seconds she said, “So I have to ask, where are you from?”
Did you have to ask?
“From Vegas, born and bred” I replied, with a smile.
She looked at me blankly, an emotion came across her face (ooer!) which I can only describe as bemusement. No, wait….confusion; the word is confusion.
I decided to help her out.
“Just kidding, I’m originally from the UK”.
She smiled (out of relief mostly) and what followed were the usual questions of “How do you like it here?” and “How is it different from the UK?” etc.
After a minute or so of “I don’t miss the clouds and rain” and “Well, the TV over here sucks” she smiled again at me and slipped me my refund receipt.
Before I could thank her and leave, she hit me with this one…
“Let me ask you one more question; since you’ve been here what stereotype of Americans have you found not to be true?”
Wow, this was an interesting one. Where do I start?
Actually, where DO I start? I couldn’t think of a single stereotype off the top of my head and here I had this young girl smiling at me, expecting an answer…..an honest answer.
So I went with the most common stereotype; the one that is synonymous with Americans, known the world over.
“Well, there’s the stereotype that Americans are stupid…” I began.
Her face dropped.
The foyer fell silent.
I felt like that out of town stranger who had walked into a saloon in the Old West. Even the popcorn had stopped mid-pop.
She looked mortified and started spouting some bollocks about the revolutionary war and the fact that it was actually the English fighting the English or something. I tuned out to be honest.
Hey, she asked the question. Be prepared for the answer. Well, half the answer in this case.
Before I could say that I found that stereotype to be (mostly) untrue, she looked behind me and said “Next please”.
Oh dear. Touch a nerve did I?
As I got in my car I smiled to myself as I nearly said, ‘Americans are very easily offended’.
Wait, she DID ask for an American stereotype that I had found not to be true…right?