Literally figurative

One of the girls at work is feeling a little under the weather today.  She has come out with some choice comments [1].

Firstly we had:

“What is sneezing, exactly?”

This was later followed up with:

“D’you know what?  After this cold is gone, I’m really going to appreciate my nose”

Then we got:

“D’you know what I can’t wait to do tonight?  Have a shower and blow my nose in my hands”

But the worst had to be:

“Oh my god, I feel like shit.  I am literally dying”

Bad use of grammar always grits my shit.

She wasn’t literally dying.  Not unless you count the fact that, technically, we’re all dying from the moment we’re born.

But, let’s be honest, she didn’t mean it like that

No, she was saying that her grim demise was fast approaching solely because of her cold.

This misuse of the word ‘literally’ really bothered me because it simply wasn’t true.

So I stabbed her.


[1] Bollocks

5 thoughts on “Literally figurative

  1. Pingback: Lashing out | Head In A Blender

  2. Bahaha have you considered setting her on fire?? I once worked with someone who asked me if lions were cats. I calmly explained, “No, the lion is actually a part of the subphylum Crustacea and once lived on the ocean floor with Dungeness crab and the like. The only difference now between the lion and his crab relatives is that he does not wear pants. And he has no shell.” I quit that job shortly after.

    • Ha ha! I love doing stuff like that to people. Amongst these types of stupid questions are the ones stating the obvious. For example, you could be sat there reading a book and someone asks, “are you still reading that book?”

      No, we’ve run out of toilet paper and I’m checking if the softness of these pages would make a suitable alternative.

      So I don’t blame you leaving that job, although you may have passed up the opportunity to laugh at more mindless remarks, pointing at them whilst doing it.

      I hadn’t considered setting her on fire. if anything, it’ll make her brighter. Briefly.

  3. As a future English teacher, I sympathize with your intense hatred for misused words and incorrect grammar. That last line got me. I literally laughed out loud. Thanks 🙂

    • Firstly, you’re welcome. I think we all need to laugh at least once a day, maybe several times.
      This isn’t the first time I’ve ranted about grammar. Do a search to the tag ‘grammar’ and see what I mean.

      Honeslty how hard is it too spel correcly n use proper words n stuff?

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