One of the girls I work with always wears fake lashes. It looks like her eyes are wearing baseball caps.
The other day I dared her to come to work not wearing them, so today she’s done exactly that.
She looks…well…no different, actually.
Her natural lashes (which I believe I am saving from extinction) are long, so she looks just great without those massive canopies keeping her face shaded from the sun.
Goodbye fake tan.
Then she came out with this gem:
“I do feel like I’ve got bigger eyes today”.
However, this isn’t the first time she’s come out with a random statement. In fact, one of my friends in the office who sits next to her is compiling a book of them.
Here is a sample of what he has so far.
“I have pissed myself before; I was under the influence”
“Why can’t I work from home? I couldn’t work from home because I wouldn’t work!
“Is the Caribbean in Thailand?” (We work in travel)
“What would 50% of the holiday cost be? Oh yeah, half!”
“What class are they flying? Pre minimum Economy?”
Her – “Are you still with the mum?”
Customer – “No, I’m not”
Her – “Aww, ok; are they still her kids though?”
“I actually think I’m in a music video today”
“I can’t wait to shave”
“When you say ‘Afternoon’, how weird is that?”
“Don’t you think oranges are weird? Like, the way they grow. The world is a wonderful place Billy”
“It’s the one bedroom apartment equilavent….equilavent…..EQUILAVENT!”
“About a month ago I shit myself. It was so annoying because it was just after a shower.”
“O.M.G., I think I’m getting fingered by a ghost!”
How can I compete with this comedy gold?
The interesting thing to note is that this girl is actually quite smart. She’s quick to learn and very inquisitive…she’s just a bit of a ditzy twat at times.