I’d been on the train about 20 minutes this morning when a guy got on and sat opposite me. He was short, dumpy with glasses and was wearing a big anorak. To be honest, he looked like Benny Hill.
I sat there for a while with my eyes closed in an attempt to get some sleep. However, I could feel a bat in the cave and desperately needed to pick my nose.
The train stopped again at another station and I open my eyes briefly to see if any women had joined Benny and I before donning my mining helmet.
No women. Just Benny watching something on his tablet.
In went the finger.
Oh yeah, that’s it; that’s what I’m talking about. Don’t run away. Where are you going? Come to daddy. Come on you little fucker….
I opened my eyes again for a second to see if there were any disgusted females around.
Nope, still just Benny.
On I went, like an 80’s ZX Spectrum classic prequel to Jet Set Willy.
Once I was done I settled back in my seat to comfortably drift off to sleep.
After a few minutes I was woken by Benny and his rustling anorak, which was officially the loudest coat I’d ever heard. As he stood up to remove the deafening apparel I got a face full of boobs.
Holy shit, Benny was a Jenny!
He…sorry, she then sat back down and went back to his…sorry, her tablet. I decided it was probably best to close my eyes and continue to ‘sleep’.
In all fairness I could be forgiven for mistaking Jenny for a man. She had short man-hair, a stocky man-like build, unflattering jeans with big man style boots and, when the guard announced that our train was being terminated due to technical difficulties, an ability to let out a massive “Farkin’ ‘ell, what the fark’s that all abaat?” for all to hear.
I suppose it had to be loud to be heard over her coat.
She didn’t care.
She had balls.