Today at work, the subject of Star Wars came up.
Actually, every day at work and at home and at the supermarket and in the car and sat on the toilet pushing out a Jar Jar, the subject of Star Wars comes up.
Why? Because I fucking LOVE Star Wars.
Anyway, today’s Star Wars conversation started when I saw a trailer for the new Blade Runner 2049 trailer (Squeeeeeee!). I asked my work colleagues if they’re as pant-wettingly excited to see it as I am.
This question was met with was a lot of blank expressions.
My heart sank.
“Wait, who here has seen the original Blade Runner?”, I asked, with slight desperation in my voice.
Only one hand went up.
It was at this point that the girl who sits next to me – let’s call her Cluelessa – said, “There’s one reason why I want to see that movie”.
I sighed. “It’s because of Ryan Gosling isn’t it?”
She beamed excitedly, “Of course!”
I held my shit together and smiled. “So let me get this straight”, I said incredulously, “You went with Ryan Gosling and not Harrison Ford?”
She nodded enthusiastically.
“But he’s a legend!”. (Harrison, not Ryan)
She paused for a moment as she redirected brain power from her mouth to her brain, “I liked him in Air Force One” she replied proudly.
I had to take a moment to compose myself and remember it’s not deemed socially acceptable to choke the shit out of a co-worker.
For some reason it’s frowned upon.
“So, let me understand this right….you didn’t go with Indiana Jones or Han Solo….instead you went with ‘Air Force One’?”
Thus began the conversation about the cultural phenomenon that is Star Wars
It soon became evident that most of the people I work with haven’t actually seen Star Wars, unless it was the one with the “racing thingy” (Pod Race) or “Anakin” (probably a prequel).
I wanted to scream like a Wookie.
The conversation, as dumbfounding as it was, came to a head when Cluelessa asked, “Wait, Darth Vader….is that Star Wars?”
I had to take a moment.
Trembling with rage, I picked up the concrete paperweight on my desk and pushed it towards her face.
“Pop quiz; what’s this?”
She beamed blankly as she looked at it, then at me, then back at the paperweight.
She didn’t know the answer.
SHE DIDN’T KNOW THE ANSWER!
“It’s the Death Star!”, I said, holding back tears and throat punches.
“OK, here’s another question for you”, I said with a new hope (see what I did there?), “What do Darth Vader and Anakin Skywalker have in common?”.
There was a long pause.
In fact, there shouldn’t have even been a short pause.
It went very quiet and I could hear my own heart breaking.
One of the other girls piped up, “Isn’t he, like, his dad or something?”
Oh my god!
Then Cluelessa said, “Wait, isn’t Anakin, Luke? Wait, no….hold on, so who is Luke?”
But, as I write this from prison, I have to say it has become evident over the last few years that Star Wars is slowly slipping off the radar with the ‘young folk’ of today. It’s for this reason that I am so thankful that Disney now own the rights to a galaxy far, far away. All the time there is love for the franchise – and tons of cash coming in – Disney will continue to bring Star Wars to the big screen.
Despite one of the girls saying they’ve only seen ‘The Force Awakens’ (eye twitch), it is still keeping the legacy alive….and ‘The Force Awakens’ is still a great film even though its plot is effectively ‘A New Hope’, but without enough R2D2.
I live and breathe Star Wars. I love everything about it and it breaks my heart to think that one day, in the dystopian future of…say…2049, it’s possible that no-one will look at Rick Deckard and say “Hey, you look a lot like Han Solo”.
 Not including the prequels.
 Except Jar Jar Binks and any unnecessary or comedic CGI special effects added to the original trilogy.
 Especially Jar Jar Binks!