Innuendos, Double Entendres and Puns, Oh My! – Part 1

Posted on Dec 30, 2019 by headinablender

One of the joys of living in America is the overabundance of rude and amusing things that are innocently said by well meaning people, that don’t mean the same thing as they do back in Britain.

Rather than simply smiling to myself and then telling my wife about it later, I’ve decided to put them in a series called ‘Innuendos, Double Entendres and Puns, Oh My!’.

This is the first entry (smirk) of many….I hope. I have another to share, which I will post shortly.

So, without further ado, let’s crack on:

(clears throat)

……

I just walked past a female work colleague in the kitchen area, microwaving something that smelt [smelled] amazing.

Me: “Something smells good.”

Her: “It’s my hot pocket.”

Aaaaahthankyou.

A sweet, sticky thing….

Posted on Jun 3, 2017 by headinablender

So….

I’ve just discovered there’s a doughnut shop here in Vegas called ‘Pink Box’; an establishment known for it’s sweet, sticky treats with a hole.

And, apparently, there’s also a place called ‘Pink Taco’. You just can’t make this shit up.

It’s guess it’s just a different sense of humour on the (w)hole [smirk] because no-one seems to find these as remotely funny as I do, especially when I’ve just been asked if I want anything from Pink Box.

Yes….yes I do.

Nom nom nom

Just so you know, my Pink Box treat was suitably filled.

A small entry (apparently)

Posted on Mar 30, 2016 by headinablender

I try to avoid posting twice in quick succession, especially since it’s been a writing drought recently, but I simply had to share this.

I was driving home from work today and, as I joined the freeway, there was a huge billboard offering ‘Vaginal Tightening’.

This was an occasion where ‘LOL’ was appropriate.

I really did. Loudly.

It was highly amusing and therefore I shared it on Facebook. I mean, it’s funny but I didn’t think it warranted a post of its own.

Anyway, as I neared home I saw a store selling alcohol; a self proclaimed outlet of alcohol, or ‘liquor’ as they called it.

Yes, that’s right, it was called ‘Liquor Outlet’.

I had to pull over before I ROFL’d into the car in front.

United States of Oblivious

Posted on Oct 17, 2015 by headinablender

I’ve noticed that some companies and brands in the USA have names and wording that could be considered…well…downright inappropriate and fucking hilarious in the UK.

Case in point…

Delicious, right?

Now, the dictionary definition of a growler is:
1. a person or thing that growls.
2. a small iceberg that rises little above the water.

To Americans, a growler is some kind of bottle with a handle that is usually used to hold beer.

A growler (snigger)

In England, the word ‘growler’ is slang for vagina.

Over here it’s entirely acceptable to say “Hey, check out her growler” without getting a slap.

In England it’s deemed a bad chat up line to use.

And it gets better.

In the UK we have a verb that is slang for, erm, ‘obtaining a beer foam moustache from partaking in a growler’, if you know what I mean.

Know what I mean? 😉

This verb is ‘Mott’.

For my English brethren who have ever seen Celebrity Juice on UK TV, you will have heard (and seen) Keith Lemon talk about ‘motting a lady’.

This is usually met with raucous laughter as he demonstrates it on one or more of his celebrity guests – more often for an American who has no idea what it means.

Mott mott mott!!

So imagine my joy at seeing these in Walmart last night.

Take a sip, you know you want to.

Although I do have some concerns about these.

Don’t fanny about.

Posted on Jan 30, 2014 by headinablender

I always thought that decorating the vagina with crystals, diamonds and other assorted gems was a daft idea.

So is the name; ‘Vajazzle’.

It should’ve been called ‘Blinge’.

Grammar: The difference between knowing your shit and knowing you’re shit.

Posted on Dec 19, 2013 by headinablender

This afternoon I read a group email sent out by one of the girls in the office asking for assistance with her clients as she is going to be absent over the next few days.

Fair enough.

She then ended the email with, “If you guys could keep an eye out on these and process them for me I would be internally great full”.

Too easy.

(pun intended)