Innuendos, Double Entendres and Puns, Oh My! – Part 2

This one is so funny to me, yet not one of my American friends ‘got’ it, even after I awkwardly explained it to them….or at least attempted to.

However, I mentioned it to my parents and they got it immediately, so it’s not just me!

(Phew!)

I laughed so hard and for so long, that people around me started meerkatting (prairie-dogging) to see if I was OK. I literally had to leave my desk and take a walk to calm down.

Here’s a little background info first.

At work we have internal communication software called ‘Slack’. It’s a great tool for keeping the entire business up to date with information through direct messaging or the use of departmental ‘channels’. So, for example, a department like I.T. or Marketing would have a channel that provides updates, information and answers questions and issues from anyone from around the business.

It’s pretty cool.

So, with this in mind….

My colleague had been involved in a long and convoluted email thread about something or other and, after much back and forth, decided to send this beautifully succinct email out to an entire department.

‘I’m going to hop in your slack channel’

Innuendos, Double Entendres and Puns, Oh My! – Part 1

One of the joys of living in America is the overabundance of rude and amusing things that are innocently said by well meaning people, that don’t mean the same thing as they do back in Britain.

Rather than simply smiling to myself and then telling my wife about it later, I’ve decided to put them in a series called ‘Innuendos, Double Entendres and Puns, Oh My!’.

This is the first entry (smirk) of many….I hope. I have another to share, which I will post shortly.

So, without further ado, let’s crack on:

(clears throat)

……

I just walked past a female work colleague in the kitchen area, microwaving something that smelt [smelled] amazing.

Me: “Something smells good.”

Her: “It’s my hot pocket.”

Aaaaahthankyou.

Fully roosted coffee

At work, we have a dedicated private Facebook page in which employees can sell stuff.

It’s pretty good if you want baby clothes, a kitchen gadget they’ve ‘only used a couple [of] times’, and other shit and detritus they don’t want anymore.

Well, I decided to have a peruse through today’s offerings over my morning coffee, and happened upon this item.

You know this is going to be fowl

Usually stuff like this wouldn’t make it onto my blog, but I couldn’t resist with a description like this:

Extra large Cock – FREE to a good home

My first instinct was to look up from my desk and check around me to make sure I wasn’t having my leg pulled.

No, she really wrote that…and it was intended to be sincere.1

What made it even better is that someone commented:

That is a turkey.

To which she replied:

It’s a rooster. A huge cock

Ah, I love the smell of innuendos in the morning.

(slurps coffee)

 

1 – I know this because a) it’s on a public work Facebook channel, and b) innuendos aren’t her thing….believe me!

Two in the pink….

Usually,  when I write a post,  it’s regarding a situation or event that either amused me…or frustrated me to the point where it was simply laughable. 

But sometimes,  just sometimes,  something comes along that requires no back story or train of thought. 

So,  in keeping true to my ‘Life Is Funny’ mantra,  here is a photo of a van I was stuck behind in traffic the other day. 

In this post I claimed energy drinks gave you anal seepage; it now seems they have a remedy for that. 

A small entry (apparently)

I try to avoid posting twice in quick succession, especially since it’s been a writing drought recently, but I simply had to share this.

I was driving home from work today and, as I joined the freeway, there was a huge billboard offering ‘Vaginal Tightening’.

This was an occasion where ‘LOL’ was appropriate.

I really did. Loudly.

It was highly amusing and therefore I shared it on Facebook. I mean, it’s funny but I didn’t think it warranted a post of its own.

Anyway, as I neared home I saw a store selling alcohol; a self proclaimed outlet of alcohol, or ‘liquor’ as they called it.

Yes, that’s right, it was called ‘Liquor Outlet’.

I had to pull over before I ROFL’d into the car in front.