Bone Appétit

Today at work I saw another opportunity to ‘edit’ something I saw on a colleagues desk.

And if you don’t know what I’m talking about, see:

https://headinablender.com/2018/05/03/a-sign-of-things-to-comma/

…and…

https://headinablender.com/2018/07/18/my-brain-filter-may-need-some-work/

Anyway, no fancy story here today.

No deep, insightful musings.

Just this.

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Fully roosted coffee

At work, we have a dedicated private Facebook page in which employees can sell stuff.

It’s pretty good if you want baby clothes, a kitchen gadget they’ve ‘only used a couple [of] times’, and other shit and detritus they don’t want anymore.

Well, I decided to have a peruse through today’s offerings over my morning coffee, and happened upon this item.

You know this is going to be fowl

Usually stuff like this wouldn’t make it onto my blog, but I couldn’t resist with a description like this:

Extra large Cock – FREE to a good home

My first instinct was to look up from my desk and check around me to make sure I wasn’t having my leg pulled.

No, she really wrote that…and it was intended to be sincere.1

What made it even better is that someone commented:

That is a turkey.

To which she replied:

It’s a rooster. A huge cock

Ah, I love the smell of innuendos in the morning.

(slurps coffee)

 

1 – I know this because a) it’s on a public work Facebook channel, and b) innuendos aren’t her thing….believe me!

My brain filter may need some work.

Being a Brit living in America is, mostly, pretty easy.

The main issue I have (other than the stupid way they format their dates, their driving, their TV, their….well, you get my point) is filtering my disgusting and yet hilarious brain from reacting when I find something funny that others REALLY won’t.

After all, offending someone over here is as difficult as fist fighting a baby.

These moments of internal hilarity involve things like growlers, double-fisting and, more recently, this sign I saw on a colleagues desk that was clearly meant to be heartwarming…

You know what’s coming…

It took all my willpower not to put a note on it that reads:

“So are your wife’s tits”.

Does that make me a bad person?

A sign of things to comma

Yes, yes, I know it’s been a while since I posted something.

Work has been really busy lately as I was recently promoted (small smattering of applause can be heard somewhere at the back, followed by a hacking dry cough and a murmuring to just ‘get on with it’), so I haven’t had a lot of time to put fingers on keyboard.

However, I can find 5 minutes to share this little moment of sheer joy.

So I arrived at the office this morning and noticed this small sign on someone’s desk.

Some of you can probably see where this is going

Now, for clarity, this ‘someone’ is the head of a department. Like, he’s WAY up there in the echelons of senior management, and this sign is clearly a visual aid to encourage energy, teamwork and whatever he feels necessitates this sign.

But….

Being the Grammar-Nazi I am, couldn’t help myself!

Ah, the humble comma; how we miss you.

In this context, it’s not so much a visual aid than a visual impairment, depending on your aim.

But I’m sure he’ll see the funny side of this and will be fine with me mocking his grammatical oversight, plus….

…I don’t want to rub it in.

Aaaahthankyou!

A sweet, sticky thing….

So….

I’ve just discovered there’s a doughnut shop here in Vegas called ‘Pink Box’; an establishment known for it’s sweet, sticky treats with a hole.

And, apparently, there’s also a place called ‘Pink Taco’.  You just can’t make this shit up.

It’s guess it’s just a different sense of humour on the (w)hole [smirk] because no-one seems to find these as remotely funny as I do, especially when I’ve just been asked if I want anything from Pink Box.

Yes….yes I do.

Nom nom nom

Just so you know, my Pink Box treat was suitably filled.

Two in the pink….

Usually,  when I write a post,  it’s regarding a situation or event that either amused me…or frustrated me to the point where it was simply laughable. 

But sometimes,  just sometimes,  something comes along that requires no back story or train of thought. 

So,  in keeping true to my ‘Life Is Funny’ mantra,  here is a photo of a van I was stuck behind in traffic the other day. 

In this post I claimed energy drinks gave you anal seepage; it now seems they have a remedy for that. 

Jesus,  it’s all about the guns. 

At the gym today I saw a man working out with a t-shirt that said:

KNOW GUNS,  KNOW PEACE.

You’ll notice that some of it is in bold. It was an attempt at clever work play that,  frankly,  didn’t suit the wearer. He probably thought the colours were “Real purty”.

I don’t think he realised how oxymoronic that statement is.

Anyway,  on  the machine next to him was a man with the word ‘Jesus’  emblazoned on the front of his t-shirt in huge colourful letters.

It got worse.

The back of the t-shirt read:

‘John 3:3.   Jesus Is coming.  Are You Ready?  Ask me about it.’

Oh,  I wanted to. I wanted to SO much…but I didn’t think it was fair fight.

Only in America would those t-shirts exist,  or be seen in public….let alone be seen side by side!  What I found fascinating was that no one one batted an eyelid, no one stopped to gawp and no one pointed and giggled.

The closest I saw back in England was a t-shirt that had this on the front:

“Jesus loves you…”

And on the back it read:

“…but everyone else thinks you’re a cunt”

I wonder how that would go down over here?

I would probably ‘know peace’  very quickly.