A game with big shiny helmets

Despite the world cup going on at the moment, I’m really finding a new love for American Football.

I’ve never been a fan of regular football (or ‘soccer’ as the Americans call it, but let’s be honest, its played with the feet; it’s football), but I really am loving the overly padded brutality of American football (or ‘football’ as the Americans call it, obviously because it’s played with their hands).

That said, I still can’t stop sniggering (or ‘snickering’ if you’re an American, or a lover of chocolate bars) at some of the things the commentators say.

Sure, there are plenty of chuckles to be had at “Nice solid tackle” and “Reached up and grabbed the ball” etc, but I was NOT expecting this…

“They had a tight end split wide”


Just brilliant.


No feign, no gain….apparently.

Watching the world cup games, I’ve noticed something…

Whenever a football player goes down, they’re always clutching their face.

Hurt leg? Clutch face.
Pushed over? Clutch face.
Pulled shirt? Clutch face.

I’ll give you a reason to clutch your face, you overpaid prancing pricks.


Foul play

OK…I’m not a football type of bloke (except for the world cup which is currently taking over my precious TV time), so I want to ask the following question…

Has a referee ever changed his mind and ‘taken back’ a yellow (or red) card?

If not, then why the fuck do these primadonnas ALWAYS argue and plead with the ref at his decision?

Are they expecting the ref to say…”Do you know what? You’re right.

I AM the blind son of a fecal eating shit donkey. I DO have my head firmly wedged up my arse as that was clearly NOT a foul and I’m sorry for acting so rashly. I take back my decision and you may play on”