Irish grandma talking to her grandson on the train so loud the whole carriage keep looking at her. Have a guess who she’s sat next to. No, go on, have a guess.
She stinks of fags and actually talks/shouts like a cross between Brad Pitt in Snatch and Keith Lemon doing Irish…
Another commuter observation…
The guy opposite me is really heavy breathing through his nose. It’s like a heavily nostrilled Darth Vader.
How the guys next to him is sleeping is beyond me…oh, hang on; headphones.
There’s nothing like the euphoria of going back to work after a 3 day weekend.
Lazing in bed is for losers; sitting on a train full of coughing strangers is the way forward. Can’t wait for the tube!
I’m so happy I think I might have a little cry.
The woman opposite me on the train looks like a bitch of an old boss I had.
Do you think (if I asked really really nicely) that she’d let me punch her in the face?
The suit next to me on the train who is reading the Financial Times and smells suspiciously like alcohol and cigars (which makes me thankful I’m not hungover) keeps having phlemmy coughing fits into his fist.
He’s proper loud. I’m starting to get ‘oh dude, I’m glad I’m not you, we all feel your pain’ looks from the other passengers!
Hello Tuesday; you’re going to be a bit of a bastard today aren’t you?
Ok, I know I’m not a kid anymore.
I know they say you’re ‘only as young as you feel’ blah blah…but I’m very aware I’m in my thirties and grown up.
So why, when I saw a rainbow this morning over three bridges did I want to shout out “look everyone, a rainbow!! Coooool!!!”
Snoozing through the alarm – 20 mins
Showering, brushing teeth etc – 20 mins
Getting dressed and ready to leave the house – 10 mins
Realising I’m running late and might miss my train – minus 7 mins
Powerwalking the 20 min walk to the station in the rain – 15 mins
Finding out the train is 12 mins late anyway so I’m forced to stand on the platform in the rain, hot and sweaty, holding a brolly in one hand and updating my status with the other – timeless.
Here we go again. An empty carriage and who do I get sat pretty much next to me? Yes, the skinhead who keeps loudly huffing and puffing and sighing whilst talking aggressively to no-one.
Here’s a selection if what he’s saying…out loud…with only me as an audience.
“for fuck’s sake!”
“I don’t want to”
“fuck it!” (threw his drinks bottle down at that point!)
So, a nice relaxing journey to work then; not at all tense and uncomfortable for me to have a snooze…
Whilst tidying up from the night before I can hear Jus in the kitchen going “eeew!” and “gross gross gross!” and “why is it wet here; what IS that?” and my favourite…”oh god it stinks of alcohol; I think I’m going to be sick!”
Saw an employee of ‘Fitness First’ on the underground this morning. He went to walk up the stairs, stopped, turned around and went on the escalator instead.
Fitness first my ass
Had an email from the national lottery to say I needed to log in regarding my ticket for last night’s draw!
NO fucking 3G!!
What have I won??
Have I WON??
Still no 3G.
No 3G (breathe Dan, breathe)
28 minutes pass.
3G At last!!!!