Last night the Uruguayan player Luis Suarez decided to bite one of the Italian players, Giorgio Chiellini, on the shoulder during a fully televised world cup game in a sold out 45,000 seat capacity stadium.
Like a Big Brother contestant having a crafty wank alone in his room, no-one saw it.
Snoozing through the alarm – 20 mins
Showering, brushing teeth etc – 20 mins
Getting dressed and ready to leave the house – 10 mins
Realising I’m running late and might miss my train – minus 7 mins
Powerwalking the 20 min walk to the station in the rain – 15 mins
Finding out the train is 12 mins late anyway so I’m forced to stand on the platform in the rain, hot and sweaty, holding a brolly in one hand and updating my status with the other – timeless.