I know I try and stay away from any religious content because, well, America. But sometimes they poke the bear a few too many times and I have to at least growl a bit.
So, this billboard is a real thing over here.
What do you think; a little preachy?
Hmm, I’m not sure these pillocks know how procreation works. Without lust, no-one would be having sex and then we wouldn’t have babies to continue the species.
Oh wait, these twats also put these up.
So much facepalm.
Well, at least Jesus saves. I mean, as long as you don’t count cancer, AIDS, cot death, famine, poverty or any disputes, conflicts or wars in his name.
So, today I would like to talk about a massively contradictory double standard here in the US.
As you may know, in the US it’s a cultural ‘no-no’ to say something that omits or discriminates a particular race, religion, sex (or sexes, depending on which one (or ones) you identify with), or if it discriminates based on fashion, wealth, political leaning, car, shoes, hair, ….actually I think i’m making some of this up, but you get my point.
In a nutshell, we should all be talking like this….apparently:
So with this in mind, it’s fashionable to say “Happy Holidays” in the US rather than “Merry Christmas” because it’s considered offensive to wish someone a ‘Merry Christmas’ if they’re not a Christian/Catholic/Mormon etc.
But is that really true, or are we implying that other cultures aren’t tolerant?
Who knows?1
But I can tell you one thing, I am NOT touching a religious debate with a barge pole. Oh, wait, that’s probably offensive to people who aren’t familiar with that saying…or to people who drive barges, or to those who don’t.
Wait, do you drive a barge? Or do you sail one?
(Awkward pause)
Either way, I’m not touching this with a barge pole / Christmas tree / Driedel / Kinara.
Is…is that better? Seems a bit of a mouthful. (Insert penis joke here…..and also insert ‘insert penis’ joke here too)
I suppose it’s the same as people wishing me a “Happy Thanksgiving” or “Happy 4th of July” when I’m English and don’t celebrate them. Oh, I get SO offended! I can’t believe that people have the audacity to….nah, i’m fucking with you, I don’t care.
I recognise that Thanksgiving is a thing at the end of November, like Christmas and Kwanzaa is a thing at the end of December and Hanukkah is a thing around the same time as the other things I just mentioned; it’s all a bit confusing if i’m honest. But just because I don’t celebrate these holidays, that doesn’t mean others can’t wish me good tidings at their belief’s time of year; good for them! I appreciate the gesture because it’s NOT ABOUT ME!
Anyway….
This post wasn’t intended to be a rant at the ‘I’m offended’ culture (as much fun as that is), but more of an observation of a massively contradictory double standard around this time of year, hence the opening sentence.
So, we say “Happy Holidays” to avoid offending those who don’t celebrate Christmas, but apparently we’re OK with:
Christmas decorations in the shops (stores).
Christmas decorations adorning homes everywhere.
Christmas trees for sale.
Christmas music on the radio.
Christmas imagery2 EVERYWHERE, including lots of pictures of Santa, Reindeer, Elves, Snowmen (sorry, SnowPEOPLE), snow, Christmas trees, holly, mistletoe, and all that stuff directly linked and relevant to the birth of Jesus.
Christmas foods.
Ugly Christmas jumpers (sweaters).
Christmas lights, inside and outside.
Christmas hats with antlers, Christmas trees, holly and all the same Christian imagery from before.
It’s all a load of bull……dog
And, above all, a lot of workers get the day off on Christmas Day! Although i’m sure the non-Christmas folk out there insist on going into work that day instead of taking a paid day off with their families.
But that’s OK, because it’s our right to celebrate Christmas as long as we don’t do it openly.
What a farce.
By the way, if you go to somewhere like Greenland and see a reindeer, is that considered offensive?
Food for thought.
Unless you’re offended by food.
Merry Christmahanakwanzika everyone! (I really wish I’d made that word up….sigh)
1 – We know
2 – Not a single image of the Holiday Armadillo I’ve noticed. Sorry Ross.
(I can hear you breathing out there in anticipation)
I always tend to shy away from anything religious on social media (or this blog) because, well, America.
This is a country where I was told to watch my language when I said ‘goddammit’.
Unfortunately I quickly realised they weren’t joking and stopped pointing and laughing at them.
So, what’s this experiment that I’m taking way too long getting to the point of explaining?
Well, today I shared this picture on facebook:
Uh oh….(winky face)
I wanted to see exactly what reaction it would generate.
9 likes.
All English.
Well…except my wife who, despite being American, doesn’t count because she is an honorary Brit.
But in all seriousness, poking any fun at religion here in America is like insulting someone’s family or friend (imaginary or otherwise).
And by religion I mean Christianity. Or is it Catholicism? Or Judaism?
No, wait, it’s the Mormons…no, wait, it’s Jehovah’s witnesses isn’t it?
Erm…
Wait, which religion is it that has Jesus in it?
It’s…..all of them isn’t it?
I don’t know, it’s all very confusing.
At the end of the day, I clearly only mean the ‘Jesusy’ ones and not the many MANY other religions worldwide that surely can’t be proper religions…right?
(shrugs) I don’t know.
So, the experiment is underway and I’m curious to see if I get crucified for this.
At the gym today I saw a man working out with a t-shirt that said:
KNOW GUNS, KNOW PEACE.
You’ll notice that some of it is in bold. It was an attempt at clever word play that, frankly, didn’t suit the wearer. He probably thought the colours were “Real purty”.
I don’t think he realised how oxymoronic that statement is.
Anyway, on the machine next to him was a man with the word ‘Jesus’ emblazoned on the front of his t-shirt in huge colourful letters.
It got worse.
The back of the t-shirt read:
‘John 3:3. Jesus Is coming. Are You Ready? Ask me about it.’
Oh, I wanted to. I wanted to SO much…but I didn’t think it was fair fight.
Only in America would those t-shirts exist, or be seen in public….let alone be seen side by side! What I found fascinating was that no one one batted an eyelid, no one stopped to gawp and no one pointed and giggled.
The closest I saw back in England was a t-shirt that had this on the front:
As some of you will know, the over-censorship of media and entertainment in America really pisses me off.
I’m not a child. I can handle the word ‘fuck’ in a movie filled with uncensored (and apparently child friendly) blood, gore, guts and violence.
Well, this morning as I drove into work I heard censorship on the radio that pushed censorship (and me) to the next level.
It happened during the song, ‘I Write Sins Not Tragedies’ by Panic At The Disco; it’s a great song with an incredibly catchy chorus.
The beginning of that chorus goes:
‘I chime in with a “Haven’t you people ever heard of closing the goddamn door?!”
No, it’s much better to face these kinds of things with a sense of poise and rationality’.
Guess which word was censored?
Yep, that’s right, the word ‘Goddamn’ was censored. The irony of that second line of lyrics was most definitely lost here.
I love this song, but the joy of singing along was ruined.
You see, in America religion is a big deal and it’s so easy to offend people. I knew this was the case before coming in, but I had no idea it was this bad. The phrase “went to church” comes up in more conversations than I’m comfortable with and a lot of my new friends here in the States are very religious.
This is something I have tended to find out when they casually mention going to church or they post something ‘God-ish’ on Facebook. When this happens I get a real sense of dread because I have to think back over every conversation we’ve ever had.
Did I say something blasphemous or offensive?
Have I made jokes about God or Jesus?
Did I sacrifice that goat in front of them?
In fact, not 10 minutes ago, this very subject came up at work (not instigated by me, I hasten to add) and one of my colleagues said, “I swear a lot. I use ‘Fuck’, ‘Shit’, ‘Asshole’ and all that, but if I use GD or JC, then you KNOW I’m pissed!”.
It took me a moment to figure out what she meant by GD and JC. She couldn’t even bring herself to say the words.
To her, saying ‘God Damn’ or ‘Jesus Christ’ is worse than saying ‘Fuck’.
What the Goddamn?
Is it me, or does that seem a bit fucked…er, I mean, ‘Jesus-Christed’ up? This would go some way towards explaining why the word ‘Goddamn’ was edited out of the song this morning.
A few months ago I said ‘Goddamn it’ at work and got told to watch my language. I couldn’t believe it. I was being scolded like a 7 year old by a woman I have heard swear numerous times.
I’ve even started to replace “Oh my God” with “Oh my goodness”. I hate that I’ve started doing this.
But people here are way too sensitive, and the entertainment business knows this. Out of fear of being sued,they’re pandering to the masses by censoring the shit out of television.
Unless the customer is paying for it of course.
Netflix anyone?
Nothing on Netflix is censored and I hear it’s a popular service[1].
So, is America OK with bad language, blasphemy and sexual content when they’re charged a premium? Apparently so.
My wife pays a yearly subscription for something called XM radio in her car. It’s pricey, but there’s little to no censorship. It really expands the selection of music they play as they can air otherwise unplayable tracks and, being a premium service, there are no Goddamn, Jesus Christing commercials.
When it comes to TV, the UK have it right with censorship. Everything is the same as the US until 9pm. Well, I SAY it’s the same, but that’s not strictly true; they don’t play violent action movies on a Sunday afternoon when kids can see it. But apparently it’s OK for kids to see heads being chopped off and people being riddled with bullets, as long as there’s no sign of a nipple or someone saying ‘Goddamn it’.
At 9pm (or the ‘watershed’ as it’s called) it is assumed that your delicate little snowflakes are all tucked up in bed. After that, it’s the parents’ responsibility to manage what their kids watch.
At 9pm, all bets are off. The only word that is bleeped out is the word ‘Cunt’.
Sorry; ‘the C word’.
After 9pm, TV is for adults and if you’re easily offended, change the channel.
I tend to avoid certain subjects in my blog because amongst all the talk of mindless idiots, insufferable twats, shit, piss and vomit; I wouldn’t want to offend anyone now would I?
One of these ‘off limit’ subjects has been religion.
If you’re particularly religious or easily offended, I suggest not reading any further. There are some opinions in here that may upset you and it’s probably best to just go about your day and maybe pray for me if that makes you feel better.
However, If you’re reading this sentence you’re either not a religious person or you’re lying about it, in which case you’ve broken the 9th commandment and you’re going to hell.
As you can probably tell, I’m not religious man.
Although I do actually respect others’ rights to believe whatever they want; God, Allah, Buddha, The Wizard of Oz, Aslan the lion etc, but what really pisses me off are those narrow minded types who impose their beliefs onto those who aren’t in their club, er I mean their gang, no, their cult….damn it; religion! I mean their religion!
Sorry, I always get those mixed up.
There are those out there who take their faith to unnecessary levels. These are the deluded fools who stand outside abortion clinics with rosary beads, pictures of sad children and babies, handing out cards to any women walking in, walking by or simply owning a vagina.
I actually see these misguided morons with vacant faced smiles every day between the tube station and the office and every day I’m tempted to say something especially when I see them attempt to ‘help’ a woman walking into the clinic, or some young girl with her mother. Is this right? Is this holy and just?
Is it fuck.
There are a lot of reasons why a woman would choose to terminate a pregnancy; maybe the condom broke, maybe the baby isn’t growing properly and won’t survive full term, maybe she’s too young or not ready. And what if she’s a rape victim? Sorry to be so blunt, but what if?
One thing is for certain, it’s not an easy decision to make and it takes a lot of courage to walk into a clinic like that. It’s likely to be a very emotional time, so the last thing they need is judgement from a wool wearing twat who smells of mothballs and biscuits.
It’s simply not fair.
I’m not a cruel person, but I’d love to walk up to one of these woollen wankers whilst holding an open box full of knitting needles and ask, “Where do you want these medical supplies?”
This is just to see their reaction. I want to see if they lose their (holy) shit!
In fact, thinking about it, let’s look at it from another angle. We don’t see fashionably dressed people stood outside maternity clinics with pictures of happy and childfree couples, complimentary cigarettes and beer and handing out free coat hangers to every pregnant woman going in. So why is this somehow ok?
Although I will say they are stood out there every day. In the morning when I walk to the office, there they are. When I walk to the station in the evening, there they are. They’re doing what they feel is right. They believe they are fighting the good fight and they will never back down or give up.
Head In A Blender 