This morning I had a poo.
When the performance was over I stood up, turned around to flush away the nastiness only to see the water was red with blood!
What the fuck?
I panicked. I was scared! Why am I bleeding out of my bum? Am I dying? Is this the end????
Oh, wait, I had Beetroot salad last night.
It’s funny, every time someone sneezes in America at least 4 people say “bless you”.
Back in England you could be laying on the floor clutching your chest, coughing up blood and all you would get is some eye rolling and probably some tutting.