Almost a month ago I did the unspeakable and ditched Apple to join Android.

(pauses for dramatic effect)

Yes ladies and gentlemen it’s true.  I remember a few short months ago checking the Internet daily, waiting for the rumoured announcement of the iPhone 5 to be confirmed.  I’d heard it was going to be bigger, faster and more impressive.

Unfortunately, once the device had been announced and plastered all over the WWW, it turned out to be as disappointing as taking home a girl with a prominent Adams apple.

The phone was indeed bigger; by about a finger’s width.
It was indeed faster; which I neither care about or really noticed.
It wasn’t more impressive.  In fact, it was the same.  Oh sorry, ‘it was taller’.

Oooooh!

I must admit though, I was a little worried at making the switch at first because, like every iPhone user, I was concerned about the ‘lack of apps’ in Google’s Play store.  But when you consider that Android has almost 1 million apps it’s safe to say that I was being a bit of a penis about that.

My girlfriend had also decided to shift to Android a few months earlier after hearing me repeatedly going on and on about why Apple sucked and she was loving her new phone.  She’d opted for the Samsung Galaxy SIII, which I have to say is pretty awesome, and after having played with her phone and all the apps and widgets it was clear this was the way forward.

So in December I got my brand spanking new Samsung Galaxy Note II.  I wouldn’t say it was big; it was more like carrying around a small LCD TV in your pocket.  At first I was a bit overwhelmed by it’s sheer size (ooer!)

Ha ha ha ha, ahem.

Every time I took my phone out of my pocket friends would say “fucking hell Dan, that’s massive”, to which I’d usually reply with some sordid double entendre.  But ultimately I think people were taken aback by the impracticality of such a beast of a phone…..that is until they ‘had a go’.

Pretty much every one of my friends has fallen in love with it.  It’s an impressive piece of kit and I bloody love it.  I’ve got almost all the apps I had on the iPhone and the ones I couldn’t get hold of were shit anyway.  The thing that’s brilliant is the way people pull their iPhones out of their pockets and put it next to mine to see just how small theirs is by comparison.  It’s like a pissing contest and they’re definitely getting screen envy!

I feel like I’ve acted on those annoying emails that offer penis enlargement.  Everyone said I’m making a big mistake and I shouldn’t do it but I did it anyway.  Now it’s bigger and more impressive than those of my friends and they’re gutted they didn’t do it as well.

Of course the metaphor ends there…….I’m not letting them ‘have a go’.