Cereal (name) Killer

Posted on Feb 26, 2020 by headinablender

I have a packet of Weetabix on my desk which is drawing a lot of interest from my work colleagues, mostly because it’s not every colour of the rainbow, caked in sugar and more sugar, and isn’t represented by a cartoon tiger, captain, or fucking leprechaun.

What cereal ACTUALLY looks like

I’ve had comments like, “What the hell is THAT?”, “It looks like hay!”, “Is that rabbit food?”, and “It’s so weird!”; you know, all the encouraging and open minded thinking I’ve come to expect.

But my favourite was about 20 minutes ago when someone walking past my desk stopped, looked at the box, and read the name of it out loud to himself in the form of a question.

Naturally.

Now, us Brits know it’s pronounced ‘WEE-tabix’, with the emphasis on the ‘WEE’

(He he).

But he pronounced it with the emphasis on the ‘TA’ part, and dropped the ‘Wee’ to a ‘W’, so he said:

“wTA-bix?”

I nearly spat my cereal all over my laptop.

What a wn-KER

Spelling Bee(yatch!)

Posted on Jul 10, 2018 by headinablender

The other day, whilst [while] walking down a supermarket aisle, I passed a couple having a quiet, yet heated conversation.

‘This should be interesting’, I thought, as I passed them….slowly.

“It’s e-a-t-E-n”, said the guy.

“Uh uh, no”, his other half said dismissively, “it’s e-a-t-A-n”.

“No baby, i’m telling you, it’s e-a-t-E-n”, he repeated with a slight chuckle in his voice.

This didn’t go down well with her.

Not well at all.

It was at this point she did that thing so many of my exes have done to me in the past when out in public; she raised her voice slightly in an attempt to embarrass her man in front of an audience….or, in this case, the slow, shuffling Brit who was taking far too much interest some nearby canned goods.

“Mmm-hmm, sure baby; whatever you say, but you is wrong!^[sic]“, she retorted, clearly convinced she wasn’t.

She was.

Besides, the correct spelling is ‘c-r-E-t-i-n’.

I’m not feeling the holiday flavour

Posted on Dec 3, 2016 by headinablender

Halloween is long gone and thanksgiving is not far behind us…but pumpkin fever is still strong in America.

Everything is pumpkin flavoured (flavored) over here:

Lattes, pies, sweets (candy), biscuits (cookies), cereal, doughnuts (donuts), yoghurt (yogurt), crackers, tea, cream, wine, cheesecake, bread, chocolate, tortilla chips, salsa, marshmallows, moonshine, beer, bagels, jelly (jello), pretzels, milk, pancakes, crisps (chips), cream cheese, ice cream, popcorn, almonds, oatmeal and lube.

Delicious 😉

The thing is, it’s referred to as ‘Pumpkin Spice’, but it’s not ACTUALLY the flavour of a pumpkin. The worrying thing is, I don’t think many people here realise that.

“I love pumpkin!”, is something I hear a lot, but to be honest I don’t think anyone here knows what a pumpkin really tastes like.

I’ve asked many Americans if they’ve eaten pumpkin and the answer is usually “Er, hello? Pumpkin pie?” followed by a derisive look.

Ah, bless ’em.

You could make a pumpkin pie from mashed carrot, swede (rutabaga), turnip or even baby food and they won’t know as long as it tastes like ‘pumpkin’.

So, to set the record straight, this is pumpkin spice.

And this is pumpkin.

This is a vegetable. Can you say v-e-g-e-t-a-b-l-e?

They’re very different.

I HAVE eaten pumpkin and it’s nothing like the spice. If anything it’s like the bastard lovechild between a swede and a honeydew melon.

But less sweet.

This misrepresentation of a flavour bothers me and I don’t know why. I think America needs to have flavourings that are more representative of the fruit or vegetable it’s supposed to be.

Like grape.

Rating responsibility

Posted on Aug 2, 2016 by headinablender

My wife and I just sat down to watch the latest Jason Bourne movie. We’ve been sat here a few minutes and a couple have walked in with a 2yr old girl…..and sat right in front of us.

Why bring a 2yr old to a violent film like this?

Maybe it’s to save money on childcare….nope, it can’t be that judging from the amount of food and drink they’ve just wheelbarrowed in with them.

Honestly….there’s no accounting for stupidity.

The trailers alone are adult themed thrillers and horror movies with violence, screaming and jump scares.

Apparently, in America, the film’s rating doesn’t apply if there is an adult in the party. That means a 10 year old can see a rated R movie as long as their parents are with them.

How does that make sense?

In the UK, if a film is rated ’15’ or ’18’, you have to be 15 or 18 years old to see it, regardless of who is in your party. I know that sounds like crazy talk, but them’s the rules mate.

If the filmakers want people under a certain age not to see their film, there’s probably a good reason behind it. The movie doesn’t suddenly become child friendly just because twats of the right age are present.

Surely, by the same logic, it’s ok to have sex with an underage child providing the parents are present…right?

Harsh?

You bet it is; but so was Jason Bourne graphically strangling a man who had earlier brutally shot people in the head at point blank range, spraying their brains and blood on the walls.

“Yay Daddy! Again! Again!”

Yes I’ve used this picture before….I wonder why?

The power of AI

Posted on Dec 13, 2015 by headinablender

Today’s post isn’t about a particular incident or experience that has happened to me recently. Instead I want to comment on something that causes my eye to twitch.

In order to do this, I need to highlight the power of the letter ‘i’. Let’s do a little test.

Below will be a variety of words which change with the addition of the letter ‘i’, in both the meaning and pronunciation. I want to focus on the latter.

If you’re feeling participative, or not in an awkward place like the toilet, mid coitus or at a funeral, then say these following words out loud.

Mad – Maid

Pal – Pail

Brad – Braid

Pad – Paid

Lad – Laid

Crag – Craig

Now, if you’re English, the ‘i’ infused words will have changed; the ‘ai’ now rhyming with Pay, Say or Day. This would’ve been consistent across all these words.

If you’re American, you pronounced the last one as ‘Creg’.

Yes, ‘Creg’.

I have never understood why this is the case. Like the words ‘herb’, ‘basel’ and ‘pasta’, the name ‘Craig’ is one of the words that America has difficulty pronouncing correctly, despite not being related to Italian cooking.

Prior to moving to America, the name Craig hadn’t been one I’d encountered much in my life. I knew one at school and, other than him, the only other Craig I know of is the singer Craig David.

That’s it.

But in the USA, the name Craig (Creg) comes up a lot, not because I’ve met a lot of Craigs, but due to a small known website called Craigslist (Cregslist). This means I get to hear ‘Creg’ on a lot of occasions.

Lucky me.

This is exacerbated by the fact that a major street in Las Vegas is also called Craig. I cross that bastard every day.

So, by this logic, the name Meg should actually be spelt ‘Maig’ but it isn’t. Yet, the name Megan is pronounced ‘Maigan’.

Twaits.

And yes, I’m very aware that the word ‘Sad’ becomes ‘Said’….but let’s not talk about it, OK?