Today is Christmas Day and I am at work.
To be honest, I don’t really mind; the commute to the office was easier, my colleagues are in a festive mood and the customers have reached new depths of unmeasured dumbfuckery.
It all keeps me smiling.
One of the guys (and a good friend) is playing Christmas music loudly through his computer.
How very festive.
I’m torn between my love for him, my disdain for Christmas music and the utterly overwhelming desire to shove his PC up his arse.
I had an interesting telephone conversation with a lady customer that went like this:
Customer – “Hi. I need a new shipping label. The one you sent before couldn’t be scanned by UPS.”
Me – “Really? I’m sorry to hear that.”
Customer – “We need another one to print off.”
Me – “Actually, you can just reprint the same label.”
Customer – “No, we’ve already printed that one, and it was no good. It was all distorted.”
Me – “Distorted? in what way?”
Customer – “Well, you know how it looks when a typewriter ribbon is old? That’s how it looked”
It’s worth noting here that she used the words ‘typewriter’ and ‘ribbon’.
I had a feeling this conversation was not going to get easier.
Me – “Oh, I see, so the ink was faded?”
Customer – “Yes and UPS said they couldn’t scan it properly, so could you send me another label that’s not so faded please?”
I felt myself drowning.
Me – “Actually, if the ink was faded it’s likely to be your printer.”
Customer – “No, it’s not our printer, it’s the label.”
Me – “I’m happy to resend you the label, but you will encounter the same problem as it’s a digital image. I suspect it will still come out all faded and distorted.”
Customer – “No, it won’t this time.”
Me – “How do you know?”
Customer – “This time I want you to email it to my husband’s computer as it’s clearer on his screen than on mine, so it will print better.”
Head In A Blender 