This morning at the gym I saw something I have not seen in all the time I’ve lived in America.
Two friends saw each other, said “Hi” and….(gulp)….shook hands!
That’s right! No fist bump, no high five, no “Dylan, you son of a bitch!”, no hand slap and hug, no weird and convoluted series of hand gestures like the lovemaking of two horny teenagers; just a simple, honest to goodness hand shake.
Wow. Just wow.
 If you don’t know what this means, shame on you. Shame, shame, shame.
Tonight’s train announcement was so good I just had to blog about it.
We were sat at East Croydon station for a prolonged amount of time when the speaker system fired up with….
“Good evening ladies and gentlemen, this is your conductor speaking. I’m sorry we’re currently being held at the station a little longer than expected. I have no idea why we’re being delayed. There are two platform staff a little further down from me but neither of them have had the decency to come over and actually tell me whats going on, so I’m in the dark just as much as you are. I will be taking it up with their manager as this is a poor example of customer service”.
I sensed the words “wankers”, “twats” and “hapless” were on the tip of his tongue, but I couldn’t be sure.
There were a few smiles amongst my fellow commuters.
I’m pretty sure I actually saw someone high five him as he walked up the train checking tickets. Then again, it could’ve been a slap. I’ve known it to happen.
The train out of London Victoria was going to be departing late this evening. It was sat in the platform, but wasn’t going to be moving for at least another 15 minutes. My friend Barney and I were sat at a table talking bollocks and watching the train fill up with an overabundance of commuters who took advantage of the delay to get an earlier train than they usually catch.
Stood next to us was a couple, although I suspect they weren’t romantically linked; merely colleagues. He was dressed in a full length business coat over his business suit, carrying a business briefcase and sporting business hair. I think he may have been a businessman, but I may have been wrong; maybe a plumber? She was dressed similarly business-like with pearl earrings, starched skirt, Margaret Thatcher hair and perfume that could strip paint.
They were poshly discussing that the train should’ve left four minutes ago. He said it was unlikely we’d have to wait a further 11 minutes until we departed. She agreed that it would be ridiculous for the train to wait until the delayed time displayed on the boards if a space in the ‘traffic’ opened up.
This went on for a good 2 minutes, which may not sound like a long time…but it really is.
The train’s doors then closed and it began to pull out of the station.
It was at this point that Mr and Mrs Business stopped talking, smiled at each other and…without saying a word or indicating any premeditation…they high fived each other.
It was so out of place that it stopped Barney and I mid-bollocks.
I can imagine it would be like hearing your mum say “Booyah!” or having your dad get down to Dubstep.